Sunday, November 11, 2012

Day #21

Whoa!  Has it really been that long?!

Minus one major temptation cave-in (Domino's breadsticks) that I regretted the next day when my knees started cracking again, my head started pounding, and generally just not feeling well I can proudly say I have stuck to this Paleo thing.

My bread recipes have turned out to be disastrous.  I found one that used a box recipe that tasted okay, but that costs $5 per box!! With that type of money I'd prefer to just buy GF bread from the store that's pre-made.  However, I just came across a cracker recipe I have a lot of faith in.

The recipe calls for butter, and I refuse to do milk yet (still have another 9 days to go before I try adding it back in).  I found a recipe for Clarified Butter (basically it's butter with the milk proteins, sugars, and water removed).  So all you have left is simply butter.  It looks fairly simple to make, and at least in the future I'll have some butter to mask the horrible taste of my bread failures...

If it tastes anything like butter I'll post the recipe on here later.

So today I made some beef stew for myself and my sore throat.

A lot of recipes call for this bone broth mixture which I haven't tried yet...I do have a chicken carcass in my fridge awaiting my Mother's assistance.  The recipe to make it is like 2 pages long and uses a lot of words I don't understand.  So this way...if it turns out horribly, I can say it was  'we' failure instead of a 'me' failure.

But since I don't have any bone broth stuff made up this is what I did:

I helped Dad can some deer meat yesterday.  I then took some canned deer meat with me when I left...perhaps more than what he realized I took.  ;-)

Then I opened up the canned meat, and plopped it into a pan.  I added some water, some carrots, and some spices.  I put in some grilling seasoning, some parsley, and some black pepper.  I stirred it up, and waited for the meat to cook.

Then I ate it.  Yum.


Friday, November 2, 2012

Lucky Day #13

So it really hasn't been "lucky" per se, I've just always wanted to have a post called "Lucky Day #13".  I've been looking forward to this post for the past week and a half.  lol

But I'm officially the energizer bunny on steroids!  I've always been overly energetic, but lately I've had way more energy than usual.

Here's what I've had thus far today:

Breakfast:
Paleo Pancakes.   YUM!

Lunch:
Tilapia and some steamed broccoli. I was really busy with work today, so I didn't have enough time to chop up some almonds for my tilapia toppings.  I must say, after having this dish a few times and playing around with the ingredients, the way to really make it taste good is to add some season salt.  The more the merrier.

Supper:
You know, I haven't really sat down today to eat a full meal.  I've been snacking since 2ish or so.  I've consumed:  a banana, an apple, an orange, some cashews, a salad (no dressing--but I did chop up some bacon to make it a bit tastier), a handful of almonds, and a GF DF (gluten-free, dairy free) brownie.  Which for the record, tastes WAY better than what it sounds.

I'm also about to consume some apple chips.  There's another 10 minutes left on the oven until they're done. I'm not sure how they'll taste, but they smell AMAZING!!!

here's the recipe for the brownies:
1.  Go to the store.
2.  Purchase a GF DF brownie mix.
3.  Add an egg, 1/4 C water, and 1/2 C unsweetened apple sauce.
4.   Add in an additional 1/2 C chocolate chips (in addition to what the recipe tells you to add)
5.  Bake at 350 degrees for 18 minutes.
6.  Enjoy!  :)

I bought a bunch of flour--tapioca and coconut in the hopes that I'll find the world's greatest GF bread recipe.  I've got a list of 5 different bread recipes I plan on trying (all claiming to be the greatest GF bread recipe out there).  No worries--I will wade through the dirty dishes, hours of sifting and baking in order to let you know what REALLY is the greatest GF bread recipe in the world.  I got ya covered.  :-)

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Day #5-#12

Wow. I'm waaay behind on my blogs.  Been rather busy lately with a variety of things--went out of town for work, had a hurricane come pay a visit, it started raining in my bathroom....you know, minor things like that.

Overall, I'd say I feel better in some aspects, and worse in others.

Pros of the last week:
-Swelling has gone done A LOT
-I feel pretty awesome when grocery shopping...I'm probably the only one in the store buying only healthy stuff--I have to fight the urge to go parade around the store showing off my healthy purchases.
-I have more energy than before
-I no longer need caffeine to operate (and anyone who has known me, knows that's something pretty spectacular in and of itself)
-I have discovered a love for researching new recipes, and......cooking! *gasp*
-I now realize there IS a life that exists without sweet tea!  And I gotta say--it's a much cheaper one, too.
-I looked at my budget today and realized I have almost $60 more than usual!  Most people complain about how expensive eating paleo is, but when a person eats out as much as I used to I'm actually saving money by doing this.
-I have zero idea if there is any scientific evidence of this for other people...but I have yet to have a Raynauds flare-up since day #3 of this thing.  And I've been in some pretty cold places.
-Paleo Pancakes.  They are God's gift to people everywhere, male and female alike.


Cons:
-I'm hallucinating--two days ago while I was at work, my pen miraculously turned into a bread stick from Olive Garden.  I had it halfway to my mouth before I realized it was my pen.
-I no longer sleep only 4-5 hours/night.  I'm now out for the count by 10P, and sleep like a log until 7:30 the next morning when my dog decides it's time to wake me up (30 minutes BEFORE my alarm goes off).  Therefore, I'm not getting as much done. I now understand the saying "there's not enough hours in the day"
-The whole having to cook thing is beginning to get old, especially on days when I work until 5, then have to rush out the door by 5:05 in order to be on time somewhere by 5:30.
-Chili. I love chili.  I tried a Paleo friendly recipe, and the word "suckage" doesn't even begin to describe it.  I'd post the recipe on here so you can avoid it, but if you're anything like me you'll try it out just to see if it's as bad as I claim it to be--trust me, it is.
-Bread.  It's all but disappeared from my diet.  If I'm going to last much longer I NEED to find a paleo-friendly bread recipe.

Anyways....I gotta run. I have a date with a ping pong paddle and some friends.  Hope you're having a good day!


Thursday, October 25, 2012

Day #4

Weird things that's happening to me that's different than before....

Weird Thing #1:  My sleep cycle has drastically changed.

 For instance, yesterday I woke up at 4A....FOUR AM!!!....bouncing out of bed ready for the day.  I kept up the same, high energy level (without coffee *gasp*) for the whole day until about 8 that night.  Then I fell asleep around 9, and slept like a rock until 6 this morning.  This is pretty big coming from a girl that only slept 4-6 hours/night.

Weird Thing #2: No more cracking knees, baby!

Before my knees constantly ached, and cracked every time I moved them.  It occurred to me on my drive home yesterday that they hadn't cracked more than once the whole day.  

Weird Thing #3:  SOOOOO hungry!

I seriously am eating myself out of house and home.  It's like every 2 hours I'm hungry again.  I'm not big on staying hungry, so I feel like I'm constantly eating.


Anyways...onto what I ate yesterday....

Breakfast:  Bacon and a banana.  Yum.

Lunch:  Left over Tilapia and some steamed broccoli.

Dinner:  Wednesdays are always a rushed affair ( is it "affair", "a fare", or...?) for me for supper.  I usually eat at church, but this week I was afraid I'd cave to the food cooked by some of the best cooks in the world.  So instead I ate at home--a lot--and arrived just before church started.

I ended up having some more of the tilapia and broccoli again.  Sorry to bore you with my menu...but it's yummy..what can I say?

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

How to build your body up to running 3 miles when you have Lupus 101

Since my race I have been asked how I was able to run a 5K when I have Lupus.

Here's the answer:

Step #1:  First you need to play around with your diet, figure out what some of your triggers are.  For me, I'm super sensitive to nightshade vegetables (tomatoes, peppers).  I stopped eating them.

Step #2:  If you're currently in a flare-up you need to wait until you feel "normal" again.  Don't make the same mistake I did by thinking going straight out and running will help.  It won't.  You'll just make your flare-up worse.  Trust me on this.

Step #3:  After you feel "normal", you need to start walking.  Do it so slowly that you trick your body into thinking you're still laying in bed in agony....if you don't do it slowly enough you WILL be back in bed in agony.

First week:  Walk no more than 5 minutes.  Walk every day.  
Second week:  Walk no more than 10 minutes.  Walk every day.
Third week:  Walk no more than 15 minutes. Walk every day.

Step #4: Once you reach 30 minutes of walking, then it's time to start incorporating other activities that don't stress your knees (assuming you're like me and your Lupus effects one of them).

I did activities like bike riding, swimming, and hiking.  Do each activity for no more than 10 minutes when you first start them.  Build yourself up slowly to 30 minutes like you did with the walking.  Do NOT do walking simultaneously as these activities, you'll end up stressing your body and throwing yourself into a flare.

The whole idea of doing the other activities is to get your body used to have an accelerated heart rate.  Once you build up to 30 minutes, then add in 10 minutes of walking per day.

Step #5: Once you reach an hour of physical exercise, put yourself on the Couch potato to 5K runner's plan.

Stretch each day out for 3 days.  So do  Day 1 for 3 days, Day 2 for 3 days, and so on and so on.

Important note:  On your off days, continue to do some form of physical exercise--walking, swimming  biking, whatever.  Just make sure you move every single day. 

Listen to your body. If you feel your Lupus flaring up, then you MUST slow it down.

And as always, you know the drill--never start an exercise plan without the okay from your doctor.

Enjoy running, my friends!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Paleo Day #3

Soo...day #3 and counting.  Even though I feel kinda yucky, I'm still 100% LOVING the cooking aspect of this!  It's like every day I have an excuse to try something new.  

Breakfast--Okay, breakfast was  a COMPLETE, epic fail.  I tried recreating the chicken-egg stir-fry from yesterday, changing it up a bit thinking I could "improve" upon it.  Totally blew up in my face.  I choked down the first two bites, then threw the rest away.  I ended up going simplistic with breakfast (mainly because I had run out of time before I had to start work) and had a banana and some bacon.

Lunch--I LOVE tilapia, but I've never made it before myself.  I always just get it at restaurants, or in the frozen microwavable meal section at Walmart.  But today I decided to be adventurous, and it was a SUCCESS! :)

I couldn't find a good, yummy looking paleo recipe for tilapia that did not include lemon juice (A--I don't have any, and B--I hate lemons) so I got creative.  Here's what I did:

1--Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
2--Grease baking sheet with some coconut oil.  
3--Put tilapia onto baking sheet, put one teaspoon of coconut oil on top of fish.
4--Open up spice cabinet and start grabbing things.  I put on:  some grilling seasoning, season salt, garlic powder, sea salt, black pepper, and parsley.  Weird combination...I know...
5--Put it into oven and bake for 20-30 minutes, or until fish flakes easily.
6--Enjoy!  :)  

I happened to enjoy my tilapia when some super yummy steamed broccoli.  Which happened to be extremely easy to make.  All I did was cut up some broccoli, put it into a microwavable dish, put in 2-3 TBS of water, covered the dish, and put it in the microwave for 2 1/2 minutes.  Then once it came out, I drained the water and sprinkled on some garlic powder. 

Supper--I got devious.  I decided to stray from the normal and have breakfast for dinner.  Why not? 

I made paleo pancakes.  I got the recipe from another online blog, and they are PHENOMENAL!!!

Here's what ya do:

1--Combine: 2 eggs, 1/2 C unsweetened apple sauce, 1/2 C nut butter (I used almond butter), 1/4 tsp cinnamon, and 1/4 tsp vanilla extract in small bowl until you have a uniform batter.
2--Use coconut oil to grease a skillet.
3--Spread some batter into skillet to form pancake. (I found that cooking two teaspoon pancakes is WAY easier than bigger ones)
4--Cook over low/medium heat. Flip after 1-2 minutes.

**Be careful not to burn them. They burn easily...I learned this the hard way**

this made a TON of batter...way more than what I can consume in one night.  I'm curious which way will store better overnight, so I cooked half of the left-over batter, put it onto a plate, and put it in the fridge.  Then the rest of the batter I just put into a small container.  I'll let ya know tomorrow which way wins.  :)

Now as far as how I'm feeling....thankfully don't have the massive headache I did yesterday.  But I am unbelievably tired.  So much so that I'm contemplating going to sleep at 8 tonight like an old person.  


Monday, October 22, 2012

Take that doc!

So yesterday I accomplished something I have been dreaming about since I was first diagnosed with Lupus--I ran a 5K.  :)

2 1/2 years ago, when I was diagnosed my rheumy bluntly told me I would never be able to walk, let alone run, 3 miles again.  I told him he's never seen what my God can do.  Yesterday, by God's grace, I ran/walked 3 miles.  WOOT!!!

Also, I started my Paleo diet yesterday in the hopes that it will help make my Lupus better.

Today was Day #2.

Today here's what I've eaten thus far....

Breakfast:  Chicken/bacon/broccoli egg stir-fry.  Amanda Scale of Yumminess (on a scale of 1-10):  6.

Lunch:  Chicken/bacon salad. Amanda scale of Yumminess? 9

Snacks (not necessarily eaten after lunch):  handful of almonds, handful of walnuts, a couple bananas, and I may or may not have had a dark chocolate bar.  lol

Supper:  Chicken/broccoli stir-fry.  Amanda Scale of Yumminess?  A BILLION!!!

Here's what ya do it:

Take some chicken.  Drizzle olive oil on it, then put on a bunch of seasonings (garlic powder, salt, pepper).  Cut it up into little pieces.  Cook it.

Then put the chicken on a plate, put in whatever veggies you want....drizzle those in olive oil and garlic powder.  Cook them until they're done.

Put the chicken back into the pan, and add in a handful of almonds.  Cook for 90 seconds or so.  And...you've just made perhaps one of the yummiest dishes I've eaten in a very long time.


I keep on expecting to experience this "carb flu" that everyone talks about--where my body goes through withdraw from all of the bread, pasta, and processed food I've been consuming.  So far all I've experienced is an extreme thirst.  Oh, and I had a REALLY bad headache this morning.  But other than that, I still feel normal.  :)

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Lupus Cure?

So if you've talked with me at all within the past 2 weeks, you'll hear all about two things:

1--I'm doing my VERY FIRST 5K since my Lupus diagnosis this Sunday!!!  I'm so stokes.  I am unbelievably nervous about it though.  Mainly because I haven't finished my training program yet....my Lupus flared a bit and I felt it best to scale back on the training program.  So I doubt my time will be as amazing as it used to be, but I'm going to cross that finish line even if I have to crawl.

2--The Paleo Diet,  the great Dr. Jean Seignalet, and how both relate to my Lupus.

One of my good friends started the Paleo diet and mentioned to me how the Paleo diet helps autoimmune diseases.

If you've never heard of it before, basically you can only eat meats, vegetables, and fruit--no processed food, no grain (breads, pastas), and no dairy.

I've never been one to take someone's word for truth until I study it myself.  So I ran across this video:

http://www.myhealthblog.org/2010/03/26/lupus-treatment-success-rate-100-via-paleo-diet-in-france/

The site itself didn't really look like the most trustworthy site, so I checked into it some more.

Then I came across this site:

http://paleozonenutrition.com/2011/04/01/dr-jean-seignalet-ancestral-diet-and-auto-immune-disease-trials/

Much more noteworthy, and they saved me time from tracking down the doctor mentioned in the first video. So then I did a Google search on Dr. Jean Seignalet....sure enough, he exists...he did this study...and it appears to work.

So yours truly is going to do a very strict Paleo diet, and cut out all tomatoes, etc. as well.

I already know from past experience that going gluten-free helps..I'm curious as to how I'll feel after with no dairy, no grains (including potatoes!), and no processed food.  Minus the no diary, it sounds extremely healthy for you.

I'm going to start said diet on Sunday--right after my race.  I would do it before, but I don't want to "shock" my body before one of the most noteworthy events of my life since my diagnosis.  Didn't seem like the most intelligent thing to do.

I rationed out what I figured I'd eat throughout the rest of the week, and I just gave away the rest of my non-Paleo food that I won't be able to eat before Sunday.  It amazes me at the amount of stuff I had.  I ended up giving a bunch to three different people, and all three people commented on how I had so much food. The picture shows only part of it--that's not including everything in my fridge and freezer.


Anyways...I'll be sure to keep you updated on how things go.  I'm planning on documenting my progress, much like a journal on a semi-regular basis. I'm going to shoot for once a day, or at least 5 times/week.  I'll be sharing what I'm eating, how good the recipes taste, how to make said recipes, and how I'm feeling.

From my understanding, when I first start the diet I'll experience the "carb flu"--a withdraw from all of the sugary and processed foods.  Apparently I'll have a headache, be tired, and feel yucky.  But if this helps with Lupus, a couple weeks of yuckiness will be worth it in the end.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Life from a Woman's Eyes

First off, I'd like to apologize for the following post. It is going to be slightly pessimisstic, brutally honest, and extremely blunt. If you cannot handle the complete truth....please do not read on. But I'd like to share with the world what life from a woman's perspective feels like.

Life as a female in the great USA sometimes does not feel good. Actually, often it doesn't. Life in my shoes is a constant battle between a desire to "fit in" with the crowd by wearing "cool" clothes; while still dressing in such a manner that does not attract male attention.

I do not find being whistled at while I'm out running pleasurable. In fact, it makes me feel like a piece of meat on sale for the highest bidder. I avoid running in public for that very reason. And the times I DO run in populated areas, I wear the baggiest clothes I own. But that doesn't stop the rude, obnoxious idiots who feel that by rudely showing their appreciation for my physical appearance will actually get them somewhere.

There are many times that I fight the desire to go kick them in the balls. Maybe then they'll start thinking with the right head.

Life as a female in the world is tough. I'm told that living in the mind of a male is tough as well. Perhaps the battle is equally difficult, just in different mannerisms.

How about this men of the world...I promise I will dress modestly, will go out of my way to not tempt you to be an obnoxious idiot, if you promise me to stop looking, talking, or whistling at me like I'm a piece of dirt waiting to be stomped upon.

Oh, but this is not the end of my rant. Far, far, FAR from it.

Today I was told and I quote....that I am "a borderline mental headcase, abnormal, unsocialable, and unlikeable". How many different ways can you say OUCH?

As a kid growing up, I struggled with self-esteem....a lot. I think every little girl does, and a lot of our insecurities from our childhood carry on into our adult lives. One of my insecurities was my weight. Being overweight as a kid left me on the sidelines a lot growing up. I was one of the last picked for teams during gym, I didn't really have a lot of friends. I was unsociable. I was unlikeable.

But even as a kid, it's all about where you fit in. No two people are alike, and I'll be the first one to say that there ARE some people walking this planet who I avoid. I do so not because I think they're horrible people....but because our personalities just don't mesh. Period. For some I'd rather be covered in papercuts and thrown into a pool full of lemon juice than be in the same room for them for an extended period of time.

Kids in this world feel that in order to make themselves feel better, they need to put others down. They don't realize that next month someone will probably do the exact same thing to them--hurt their feelings.

I pray that whoever is reading this realizes that perhaps the WORST thing you can do to a female--no matter what her age is....is to verbally insult her. Those insults are what lead to insecurities. And those insecurities are what lead to further issues down the line (from eating disorders to suicide).

If you have a "problem" with her, then sit down and think about the nicest way to say what you need to say.  For insance:

You're so fat and ugly NO you can't come to my party! = Bad

Of course you can come to my party!  You want to come over early?  We're having a pre-party to help us get ready! Gonna do our hair, make-up, etc!  = Good  (Then of course you actually let her be part of the group.  Don't stand her up, or ignore her when she comes.  That defeats the purpose)

I know that what that person said to met today is not true. But hearing someone say it still hurts. It still sucks. And it's not cool.

So moral of the story: Be nice.


Oh...and one more thing:  For every person reading this, no matter what your age...I want you to know you ARE beautiful.  God created you just the way he wanted, and every blemish, scar, or mark on your flesh is right where He wants it.  That mark on your cheek from a hairstraightener accident....that doesn't make you ugly.  It makes you unique.  And I think uniqueness is pretty cool.

I'm cool.  I'm unique.  I'm the only me I know.  And you are the best you I know.  So start ignoring all the crappy things people say--they're only saying it cause they feel crappy about themselves. 

Just trust me on this.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Bob the Tomato

So if you've known me for any period of time, you're well aware my thoughts can be both deep and random simultaneously. You'll also know that I have a tendency to become so focused on said thoughts that I miss turns while driving (Ex: I was late to Sunday school this past Sunday) and I will toss and turn while thinking through said thoughts.

The past few days I've been thinking about football games, character, apple trees, and a friend of mine whom we'll call Bob* (short for Bob the Tomato off of Veggie Tales).

There are many different people you come across as you journey through this venture called life. You'll find those who are too stuck up on themselves to notice the world around them...those whose only goal in life is to succeed at the American dream. You'll find those who are in various stages of life, but are oh so unhappy with where they are. You'll find the unhappy mother who cries herself to sleep, because her husband left her for another woman. You'll find young girls having sex with their boyfriend because they've never been shown what true love is. You'll find different things, because people are different.

It is a very rare occurance when you meet someone whose love for God is so full that it overflows--it overflows into how that person carries themseves, how they interact with people, how they care for others, and how they handle the curve balls of life.

Now I'm not talking about any regular Christian here, I'm talking about the one you WANT to be around because you feel simply by being around them that you'll somehow be closer to God. I'm talking about the one who doesn't talk about how important it is to have a personal relationship with Jesus, but the one who actually has a relationship so deep he/she can't help but talk about the greatest love story of all time.

Our churches are filled with "regular Christians". Sometimes I fear many of our pastors are "regular Christians". Regular Christians know all of the Bible answers...heck, regular Christians go to church faithfully EVERY Sunday.

Regular Christians are like fans at a a football game. They go because the team (in this case, God) is doing well. They're being blessed by their teammate; therefore, they go to the game. They might be daring enough to even attend a game in a bit of rain or snow. But the moment the team starts to lose, or the moment God allows some icky stuff to creep into their life...they stop going to the game.

They might attend church every now and then simply not to raise eyebrows...after all, they don't want people to think poorly of them. Just like fans at a football game, being a regular Christian is focused all on you.

Now Bob......Bob's not your regular Christian. I had the privilage of talking with Bob for a while this past week. I'd mention his name, but from what I know about him I don't think he'd like that too much. Just like a devoted Christian, he wants it to be all about God-not about himself.

Bob's love and adoration for Christ runs so deep that's it's contagious. If you wanna stay as a regular Christian, I highly suggest not hanging around Bob. He should come with a warning sign that reads "I love Jesus". His character is so deeply grounded in the scriptures that it makes you speechless.

I'm not sure what has happened to our American churches, but I know there's a problem.  And I know that problem needs fixed.  Unfortunately, this type of problem won't be fixed with hammers or screwdrivers, because it's a problem of the heart. 

Our churches are filled with regular Christians who proclaim they love Jesus, but yet fail to live it out.

Granted, I've never followed Bob around 24/7, but I'd say it's safe to say that his Bible never leaves his side except for short periods of time.  Because his Bible his is access to learning more about the God whom he loves so dearly.  His Bible is an extension of his God. 

I wish more Christians were like Bob the Tomato.

*Bob the Tomato is not his name; in fact, his name isn't even Bob.  Just wanted to point that out.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Let's Get Cookin'!

Everyone who has talked to me for more than five minutes, knows that I'm a passionate person.  I always have been, and always will be. 

I've been spending a lot of time thinking lately.  I want to organize an autoimmune disease awareness walk.

The whole being a proactive person, and not doing anything really to help myself or others has been driving me crazy since my diganosis.  I mean, there's things I do--go to doctor's, etc. that keeps me proactive in my health.  But I soooo want to be able to do something on a larger scale to help out more people.

So here's what I'm thinkin'.  Please feel free to tell me I am insane, need to check myself into a mental institution, or to just critque my ideas into something that will be more manageable.  Also, if you would like to be on the planning committee for said crazy idea....lemme know.  :-D


After much thought, instead of doing a Lupus awareness walk with the LFA (Lupus Foundation of America) I would prefer to do autoimmune diseases as a whole.  Please see the following link for more details about the organization.

http://www.autoimmunewalk.org/aawalk/aboutwalk.asp?action=publish&mode=normal&cmsid=1464&varcontentname=AboutWalk

This is the first year they have ever done an Autoimmune Walk.  I'd like to participate next year.
The idea is getting together at a track of some sorts, so people who have not lucked out as much as I have with their diseases will still be able to participate.  At the completion of each lap they receive a link.  On the link, they can either put a person's name who has a disease, or the disease itself. 
They then will take that link and attach it to the "common link chain".  At the closing ceremonies, we will hold that link up so that news people, journal writers, and quite frankly the WORLD can see how complicated Autoimmune Diseases are.

Right now, there is no "Autoimmune Disease" doctor.  Instead, in order to reach a diagnosis many people are shuffled from one doctor to another in a desperate attempt to discover the reasoning for their sickness.  Then once we FINALLY find out why we're in so much pain, we are told there is no cure.  We are told we'll have to live a life of medication popping and chronic pain.
Autoimmune disease awareness needs to be blared from the loudest speakers, and shouted from rooftops.  We need to raise awareness for something that affects more people than cancer!  yet cancer is more heard of.  Most people when you try to tell them about your illness, cock their head to one side and raise their eyebrows in confusion. 

This needs to be done.  Will you help?

Monday, January 30, 2012

Look around you....

Look around you. There’s tragedy everywhere—young girls getting painful diseases, people are being murdered, people dying. Our world is fallen, there’s no question about it. People suffer, people are in pain, and in the midst of all of this our initial reaction is to cry out to God telling him to fix it.

We beg, we plead, and we make bargains with God. Deep down I think all of us know that he’s…well, he’s God. He’s omniscient (all-knowing), he’s omnipotent (all-powerful), he’s omnipresent (everywhere simultaneously). We demand for justice. We demanded that Casey Anthony get punished for killing her daughter. We demand to know why our loved one just died. We demand that the man who hurt us gets punished. We seek justice for ourselves, and often for other people.

But what is justice? In the great USA we certainly have our definitions. But is that the real meaning of justice?

I suppose to truly answer the question we’d have to look back in time…..

Once upon a time, on a land called Earth, there was this man and woman named Adam and Eve. They both screwed up. They did something that was wrong. They sinned. And that began the story our lives. We now are born into a sinful world. Our bodies fail. People we love get cancer, and we’re forced to watch them die before our very eyes. Marriages get screwed up. The husband starts drinking, and doing drugs, and beating on his wife. Dads make mistakes, and end up dying because of it. Because of those mistakes, they leave their children without a father.

Life isn’t fair. Everywhere we look things just flat-out aren’t fair.

And to top off the unfairness, God sent his son to die for us. Seriously? Think about it. Think about who we are, the world that we live in, and yet someone died for us? That’s not fair. Don’t get me wrong, that’s blooming AWESOME…but that’s not fair and in our own eyes, according to our own definitions that’s not justice being served.

If justice were actually served, we’d be rotting in hell for the rest of eternity. But you know what? There’s this cool theological word called “propitiation”. Basically, God can’t just simply pass over sin. In Romans 3:25 we see what’s called propitiation. It’s a sacrifice that satisfies justice.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since my diagnosis. Getting lupus definitely isn’t my ideal life. My ideal life involves trips overseas, it involves fun and exciting things. My ideal life would be me going sky diving, flying planes, and living a life on the edge. Lupus kind of gets in the way of that sometimes. And it’s not fair. But it’s my reality.

I’ve been angry. I’ve been asking those “Why me?!” questions. I’m sure many of us have thought similar thoughts. I know I sure have…especially in these past couple years. Mere words do not describe the depths of my anger since my diagnosis. There’s no need to go into details, let’s just leave it at I’ve been pretty pissed off for far too long.

But do you know what a gift it is to have a chronic illness? Because of my constant pain, I’m constantly reminded of how I don’t know the narrative of the end of my life. Lupus may very well kill me one day. One day I may die of failed kidneys, livers, etc. I can’t control what happens to me. Who knows? I may die on my way to work today. We don’t know what, or how, we’re going to die. The fact is—we are going to die.

I believe that I was purchased with a price. That Jesus died on the cross to pay for my sins so that I could have a relationship with God. I don’t know about you, but I try to take care of my purchases…especially the more expensive ones. So my question is why does God allow us to hurt and be damaged?

I won’t pretend to know the answers. And to do so would be the height of presumption. But I do know that I seem to learn the most when I suffer the most. Growing up my Dad would spank me when I did something wrong as my punishment. Of course, I was the perfect child so that hardly ever happened (….just kidding….I’m surprised I don’t have welts from my childhood…). But if we lived in a utopia, we would learn nothing. End of story.

We can’t control how we die, but we can control how we live. The “why me” questions are designed more to express your anguish than to actually find answers.

We desire lives of simplicity, with nice and paved walkways for as far as our eyes can see. But I’m quickly finding that God loves to throw you curve balls. He puts us in situations that we look around us and wonder exactly how strong God seems to think we are. We think we’re going to fall apart, and break, that we’re not strong enough to do this and to make it through this. But somehow, someway, with God’s love and grace, we persevere. The crappy situations we find ourselves in, the ones that make our stomachs churn and hearts race, are the ones that we seem to learn the most from. Those are the ones that strengthen our faith and grant us wisdom and joy we would not experience otherwise.

II Corinthians 4:16-18 says the following…and please read this. Don’t just skim over it like you usually do when you see passages of scripture pop up.

“16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal”


I’m not gonna lie. Living a life in constant pain is well, painful. It’s hard. It’s hard to keep a smile on sometimes, but I am a vapor of smoke. This pain I’m in isn’t forever. One day I’ll have a new body, without pain and without default. One day I’ll be in heaven with my Father. One day.

In our lives it’s so hard sometimes to keep our eyes on the goal, and to keep in mind that “our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself” (Philippians 4:15). It’s so easy to focus on the negatives, or to get discouraged, or to get angry at God or at our circumstances.

We feel as if He’s in charge, that He should fix our problems, that He should provide us some miracle to save our son from dying, or to heal us, or to give us enough money to make our bills work. He IS in charge, but sometimes we forget.

We forget that this isn’t our movie. We aren’t the stars of planet Earth, we’re only the stand-ins. You know…the ones where you only see the back of our head for a split second. Planet Earth is about God. It’s not about me, it’s not about my problems. It’s about God. God made the movie, God’s the star of the movie. This is His movie, His world, and His gift. Sometimes when we face hard times, we just have to keep reminding ourselves that this crappy situation we’ve found ourselves in IS in God’s plan. He’s not forgotten about us, He didn’t decide to go take a nap. He’s still here with us. He’s still in control, and the beautiful thing is that He always will be.



***Note: I actually wrote this close to a month ago. This is a prime example of how "quickly" I get on to posting things. lol