Wednesday, November 30, 2011

"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters."

~Epictetus~

Sunday, November 20, 2011

If I Can Get Through This

WOW. Super long time since I've blooged, huh?

I admit it-I'm a closet metal-head. One of my favorite radio stations is 101.5 Bob Rocks. I heard a song a few months ago I fell in love with, and feel as if it describes emotionally how I feel about my Lupus.

There are days like today that I really struggle to see a positive--any positive--of having a chronic illness. It's the days when I had a horrible night, constantly waking up in pain. The nights when I wake up at 3 am with a mouth so dry it feels like someone poured sand down my throat while I was sleeping.

Or a morning when my whole body is in so swollen it's hard to move. The mornings when I find a handful of hair on my pillow. The mornings I wake up nauseous, head-pounding, body aching.

It's times like this when I honestly don't know what to do to help me feel better. The times when I feel so hopeless. I try to sleep, but my body hurts too much and wakes me up. I try to distract myself mentally by watching a movie or reading a book, but my head feels like it's going to explode.

It's times like this when I understand why when looking into another person's eyes who has a chronic illness I see no hope. It's times like this when I understand their grumpiness and pessimistic attitude.

But I've always been a fighter. I may have my grumpy moments, but just because my body has me down doesn't mean I have to let it get me down. If I can just get through this, I can get through anything.

FYI--for those metal haters out there, I want you to know this band wrote this song for a friend who was diagnosed with cancer. From my understanding, their friend won the battle and is now cancer free. It's a good song. You should listen to it. :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxeMpkw8FPw&NR=1