It never ceases to amaze me at the number of people with Lupus who are long-distance runners. There's a lady by the name of Kelly who is an ultra-runner. Two others who run half-marathons, one having ran multiple marathons. And then there's me. Who used to be able to run half-marathons, and has every intention of getting to that point again.
I went "running" today. I put it in quotation marks because it was more of speed-walking with a few spouts of jogging than an all-out run. While the GF diet is helping tremendously, the joint pain is still there when I push things. It might be because I haven't ran hardly at all the past few months since my diagnosis. Actually, since even before then. It's probably been since October that I have stretched my legs and ran as hard as I possibly could. That was when things started to go down-hill really fast for me.
I've played tennis a lot this summer, but I hold myself back. I guess part of me is afraid that I'll do something to hurt myself worse than what I already am. For the first time in my life I haven't left it all out on the court.
I have a second opinion appointment scheduled for mid-July. I can't help but hope that she says something different than the first doctor. That maybe she tells me I have some curable disease, and all I have to do is get a shot to fix it. Or take these medicines to fix it. Then I can wake up the next day feeling like a normal young adult.
There are some days that I lie in bed contemplating whether or not living to see tomorrow is actually worth enduring the pain of today. Today is the third morning in a row that I woke up in minimal pain. I actually woke up with a smile on my face. I can't even remember the last day that happened. It seems like I've been in constant pain since....well, I was going to say October, but it's been since before that. I honestly can't remember the first day I woke up in pain. Pain has started to become an expected part of my life.
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